HELLO CHILDREN! Just kidding, if any of you are children, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, exit out of this website before I corrupt you!! I have a huge problem on my hands: I have to pee really badly, but standing up and walking all 20 steps to the bathroom sounds like way more effort than I'm willing to make right now. If anyone has any advice, let me know. Preferably in the next 27 seconds before I piss myself. Thanks! Oh! I wanted to make sure you guys know that you can sign up to get emails whenever I post a new post here on IT'S cLIT! If you wanna join the email list, just enter your email right here: If you ever want to be taken off the list, just send an email to [email protected] saying that you don't wanna receive the emails anymore. Anyways, I promised you I would write another post today, so HERE YOU GO! Part 1: A Poem by Me Myself and IWhy I'm Going to Hell By Mandie I'm not going to heaven, I'm sorry I'm just not. I've known since I was seven, when I started smoking pot. You may wonder why I say that I'm going to hell, but if you even have to ask, you mustn't know me well. I jacked off to your sister, her senior picture's on the wall, and your mom was hot her junior year, when she played basketball. Your little cousin's eighteen now, and hey, I heard she's single! Well fortunately, so am I; and I'm ready to mingle. I cussed out my grandma, she was wearing ugly shoes, I flipped off the volunteer at the food donation booth I got drunk on a Tuesday right before a final test, I hacked the school computer system, now my grades are the best. I ate a juicy burger made from the meat of baby pups, I showed your little sister toys that are made for grown-ups. I got a new pair of mittens they're warm and soft as ever, I mean, okay, they're made of kittens, but that's a minor fact, whatever. I know you think that I am bad, and yeah, okay, that's true, but I didn't suck off the pope, I'm not as bad as you. Part 2: How to Tell What His Body Count is Just by Looking at HimCalculating the body count of any male you come across is very easy! All you have to do is follow a simple formula. Start at zero. Here we go: If he. . .
and there you have it! That's his body count. you're welcome! Part 3: Funny Stories Submitted by YOU GUYS!1) "With my ex-girlfriend, the way I would stop myself from orgasming too quickly was I figured out this position that she'd always queef in and it was really funny, so whenever I was about to cum I'd switch to that position and then I'd just start laughing and wouldn't cum." 2) "I was in tenth grade and I hadn't done anything with girls other than kissing. I went over to this girl's house who I'd been fucking around with for a while, and we made out and I fingered her. The next day, she told me to come over because she was going to be home alone for a while. I was really excited and I thought maybe we'd go further this time. So I get there, and we're making out and I have my hands in her pants and she starts grabbing on my dick, and she takes my pants off. So I'm standing there with my pants down expecting a blowjob, and she grabs my dick and goes, 'huh, cool! this is cool.' and then pulls my pants back on. That killed my sexual confidence for years, I figured my dick was small or something." 3) "I was hanging out with this guy I was hooking up with, and I said, "yo are you voting this year?" and he said "no I can't I'm only 20." and that's when I knew I had made a mistake." |